Scoops

I’m now the proud owner of a workbench and have finally organized my odd variety of tools and gadgets that for the longest time resided scattershot in my garage. The pegboard is laden with what to my untrained eyes appear to be useful things, some of which I’ve actually put to use in the last couple weeks. That said, it’s clear I’m still, and maybe always, will be missing that one tool that will fully allow me to build/make…uh, something. I’ve also become fascinated with the manly miniquest of meandering admiringly through hardware stores. Do I need that length of chain? No, but I mean…yes?


Anyone who plays mid-range demons in Hearthstone: Battlegrounds should be exiled from their home and made to eat human feces for a solid month, 3 meals a day.


There’s no better validation for a vasectomy like seeing multitudes of furious parents belligerently MAGA-ing their lunacy at these various school meetings around the country. These lunatics are breeding, recklessly and fruitfully spreading their offspring into the world, exponentially growing future generations of incredibly hostile, ignoramuses who will elect a series of people that will make Donald Trump look like child’s play. There’s not really much hope for the future, so not siring children to have to suffer through the American decline here in the next 40 years gives me small comfort.


Our pups are doing great, each developing unique personalities and quirks, but also an ongoing rapport with one another. The Shih Tzu is a stubborn, willful little guy who insists on getting things his way, repaying his mild impudence with acts of loving comfort to my wife and I that make us immediately forgive him being a whinybutt. The Japanese Chin is a master cuddler, intrepid doggy explorer, and capable of barks that echo for miles. It never, ever gets old coming home to them at the end of the day, and my wife and I can hardly imagine life without them. We know it can’t be forever, with painful reminders of that from friends who have lost their pets, so we make the most of each minute with our fuzzy dudes.


Do people still have china cabinets? Do people ever eat off of that china, if so? I can’t think of a more useless antique tradition that takes up so much space. There’s virtually no market, is there? The concept seems like a major burden to accommodate with virtually no payoff beyond maybe once a year during the most formal of gatherings, and even then, do you really want to bust out the good stuff only to sloppily cake it with gravy and meat drippings?


I’m in the introductory phases of publishing another book, but in this case, it kinda needs to be actually published. If Donald Trump Jr and OJ Simpson can get published, it certainly feels like it’s within the realm of possibility for yours truly.


Having a king-size bed is pretty cool. The amount of mattress real estate is great, and it definitely makes me understand why the decorative pillow market has never faded. The sheets, however, are similarly huge, and difficult to wash/dry. Keep that in mind should you ever take the plunge.


Our new neighbor walks around shirtless and barefoot with wrap-around Oakleys. His favorite past-time is apparently sitting in his open garage staring at the street. I wish our old neighbors would move back.


The waterphone is one of the greatest American inventions of the 20th century.


There’s a preseason Bears game on this weekend – how about that?

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