Of Diogenes & Mechanical Keyboards


MX Reds:  Why, MX Black, do you reside amidst this squalor?  Your barrel reeks of your very waste, and yet you remain.

MX Blacks:  Carry on, fool.  I have chosen to be as I am, and so I shall always remain!

MX Reds:  Yet we are so similar.  We are inseparable, would you disagree?

MX Blacks:  So similar are we?  Says you who traipses daintily with Blues and Clears?  It must pain you to visit one so mushy and barely mechanical such as I.

MX Browns:  *whisper* Observe his actuation force , 60g!  

MX Clears:  *whisper*  It’s like typing in a gluey swamp!

MX Blacks:  I can hear that, you tittering dimwits!  It is not I who annoys my coworkers! It is not I who sores the fingers of my typist!


MX Blacks:  Ack!  Such calamity!  Comest you to haunt me before my humble abode?

Cherry ML:  Forgive me, sir, but you behold Buckling Spring, founder and high grandfather of all switches.  Prostrate yourself or be punished!

MX Blacks:  Bah, say I.  You are blocking my sunshine and corrupting my barrel’s fetid stench with the floral aroma of your lavender superiority.  Be gone with ye, or at least stand aside!

Buckling Spring:  TOING TA-TOING TOING, TOING!  

Cherry ML:  Ha, indeed sire.  My lord Spring observes that you have no tactile feedback, no click whatsoever.

MX Reds:  That is a bit cruel, sir.

Cherry ML:  He also remarks that you too are above your station!  Be warned, Reds, that in time you will be dispatched to your own barrel, rank with feces, and your holdings scattered to the wind!

MX Browns  *whispers*  She really is not one of us, is she?

MX Clears:  *whispers*  Not at all; typing upon her is glib and empty.


MX Clears:  Greens!  Silence yourself, have you no modesty?


MX Browns:  Oh, god.

MX Blacks:  If I could be a membrane, I would do so and happily.

*collective gasp*

Buckling Spring:  TOING TOING.  TOING.

Cherry ML:  But, but sire!

Buckling Spring:  TOING!

Cherry ML:  …My lord wishes to, ahem, apply a rubber o-ring to your switch, MX Black.

MX Reds:  No!  But he’s already mushy and quiet enough, now he won’t be able to truly bottom out ever again!  Any satisfac-

Cherry ML:  It is done!  Another word out of you and we will o-ring your entire number pad, Reds!

*the crowd gathers around, observing as armored Topres, with great difficulty, apply an o-ring to MX Black.  He resigns into his barrel with a hardened look of despair and contempt etched into his keycap*

MX Reds:  Say something, Blacks!

MX Blacks: ….

MX Reds:  Something!  Anything!

MX Blacks: ….

Cherry ML:  And let his silence be a warning to you all…do not embrace the silence, should you wish to remain mechanical.

Buckling Spring:  TOING TOING!

MX Browns:  *whispers*  We still are the best though, aren’t we?

MX Clears:  *whispers* Oh yes, oh yes of course, teehee!

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